The Longest Race Report Ever

I don't know if anybody remembers, but this past Sunday was my half marathon. (The Divas Half Marathon in Myrtle Beach to be exact.) If you didn't remember that's okay - I very specifically refrained from talking about it on the blog because I knew I was going to run it very under trained and it might end up a disaster. I was kind of right. Part of it was the best race I ever had, and part was a disaster. (And warning... This post might be kind of long and boring to anyone but me.)

I will start by saying that I really got lazy with my training. The heat hit early here, and the thought of long runs in high temperatures was so unappealing. (Also, Wes works two weekends a month so a weekend long run just doesn't work out sometimes.) When I did manage to do a long run I was having major issues with my stomach when I tried to take in calories on the run. It got to be that I dreaded going long because I knew my stomach would revolt and I would feel terrible the rest of the morning. So... The longest I went before the race was 9 miles and that was ONE time. Oops. A couple weeks ago, I gave up any ideas about running a good time and decided to take it for what it was: a fun weekend away with friends and a really cute race with a festive atmosphere. I figured I would run the best I could, and I decided not to eat anything at all - no gu, no gels, no nothing - to avoid an upset stomach. I was just going to cross my fingers that my energy would last to the end. I predicted a 2 hour 30 minute finish.

My plan started out well. Fun was had right from the start! We road tripped it to Myrtle Beach in Brandy's car - and managed to survive her Nascar driving maneuvers. (Hehe! Brandy, I kid!) We got through all the traffic caused by Bike Week, picked up our packets at the expo, and checked in at the hotel. Then we were starving so we headed out to eat. We ended up at PF Changs. We also ended up allowing ourselves one drink. I figured that went right along with my plan to just have fun. No shot of PRing means go ahead and have a drink!

Adrienne and Rachel.

Me and Brandy. Please ignore the fact that my jean jacket/scarf combo makes me look like a linebacker!

After dinner we headed back to the hotel and went to bed early. Sounds lame but we were expecting a 4:45am wake up call! My sweet tea vodka and Benadryl combo (and no baby monitor) made for a fabulous night of sleep and I felt ready to go early the next morning.

We made our way to the start in a sea of pink and tutus. It is a (mostly) women event and everybody was feeling free to embrace their inner girl. Except for me. I don't have a ton of pink running gear. Red is my go to color when I run/race. I figured I would grab my promised pink feather boa on the course and then I would fit right in.

Brandy and Rachel were aiming to run under 2 hours, so Adrienne and I (who were expecting to be about 30 minutes slower) cheered for them when the gun went off and watched them take off into the sea of pink tutus. I made Adrienne promise to leave me if I was holding her pack - she said ditto - and then I put on my head phones, turned up the volume on my top 40 play list and started running.

The course was good. Even though it was Myrtle Beach at the end of May the weather was a perfect 65 degrees and we spent most of our time running down shaded streets. My body - so used to high heat and humidity and a hot yoga room - felt like it had been given a gift. Running felt absolutely effortless. Adrienne pointed out that we were going a bit faster than she had planned - the 10 minute mile pacer was actually behind us - and I tried to pull back a bit. But I just couldn't.

Mentally I was having the best race I have ever had. People always act amazed when I say I have run 13.1 miles. The truth is, that it is not all that amazing. Anybody who is reasonably fit can do it. If you can run 3 miles, you can run 13. The deciding factor is always the mental game. Are you mentally tough enough to go that distance? I hate to say it, but a lot of the time I am not. I let anxiety about my stomach or the distance or my breathing get to me, and I convince myself I have to hold back. Or take a walk break. I tell myself that there is no way I can run that far. And once you let yourself back off - take that walk break or whatever - you are done. Sure, you'll finish. But not well - not strong.  On Sunday though, my mental outlook was different. Maybe it was the fact that I had taken all pressure off myself by deciding the race would just be for fun - who knows?!

One of my all time favorite books ever is Once A Runner by John L. Parker, Jr. It's kind of obscure unless you are a runner, and then you might have heard of it. The main character, Quenton Cassidy, is a perfect 'flawed hero' (my favorite literary figure) and I have read the book a million times. The action all builds until the end where Cassidy runs a race, attempting to go under 4 minutes in the mile. One of my favorite aspects of the book is the examination of the mental side of running. Cassidy explains about how he is prepared not just physically, but mentally. He descries an "orb" that hovers above him during the race. He talks about how, "The orb now floated gently in his mind, glistening, peaceful. hard as spun steel. It would hold all grief, all despair, all the race-woes of a body going to the edge; it would allow him to do what he had to do until there was nothing left."


That's how I felt on Sunday. Like I had decided to run for real, without holding back, and every worry, every concern, every pain, was being shoved up into the orb. Acknowledged and then pushed away - stored for later. I wasn't thinking, I was just running. I reached mile 6 - where I would usually panic about having to run 7 more miles - and it was fine. I felt good. It reminded me of Cassidy's description of his orb as it "...bobbed gently, taking it all in, retaining it, keeping it quiet inside the steely interior and allowing him to think. He concentrated on his task." We climbed a slight incline and I felt Adrienne fall off my shoulder. I looked at my watch. I was on pace to run 2 hours and 10 minutes. A time that I did not deserve based on my training but I was going to snatch the opportunity whether I deserved it or not.

I had just reached the 8 mile mark when I rounded a corner and felt a strong, sudden pain in my right knee. I had to stop - it had literally stolen my breathe away. I tried to start again but my leg had totally locked up. I knew what it was right away. My IT band was obviously inflamed, and I knew from experience that I was done. You can't stretch something like that out and have the pain go away. The repetitive motion of running - and walking - only makes it worse. Stopping is really the only cure for it. But my orb was still in tact  and I kept going. Running until I couldn't and then walking. Then doing it again. Adrienne caught up to me and tried to rally me. She was like, Let's run for a whole mile and not stop! We got this!  I tried, and ran until my leg literally collapsed under me and I waved her on. I spent the last 5 miles of the race run/walking and being slightly pissed as I watched my PR fall away.

In the last mile there were tons of people cheering and encouraging the runners as we made our way to the finish. My leg was in so much pain at that point that I decided to just run as fast as I could - which was not fast - to just be done with it. I started moving and that's when my orb burst, "...letting all the poison out..." and my emotions were let loose. I passed the race volunteers handing out the pink feather boas a half mile out from the finish line. Everyone else seemed carefree and celebratory, and I couldn't summon the energy to be that way so I passed by without grabbing one. I rounded the corner, saw the finish line, and finally crossed over it and stopped running. My tank felt completely empty. The clock read 2:28:xx.

I know what you're thinking. All that ridiculous intensity and work - all for the time you thought you were going to get in the first place. I know. Why didn't I just hang back, relax and run easy? I could have - it would have ended the same. But I am so glad I didn't. I may not have gotten a PR but I finally got to experience what it feels like to let everything go and focus on the run. To have the mental clarity and focus that I have always wanted to have during a race. If my knee had not locked up I have no doubt I would have run that race 20 minutes faster. I was in the zone. And I hope it's like riding a bicycle - once you get the feel for it, you always know how to do it. I hope that in the next race I run I will be able to recall what it feels like to put away all worries and distractions until the very end and then use them to fuel me across the line.

I found Brandy and Rachel and they excitedly told me they had finished just under 2 hours. I had known they would - they were ready. Adrienne had finished 5 minutes in front of me - a PR of 20 minutes for her! It was very fun to celebrate everyone's accomplishments together. We decided we needed Bike Week tshirts, a hot shower, and a Bloody Mary ( in that order!) and so we headed back to the car.

It was a great weekend. Good times with friends and lessons learned through running. (I don't know why I continue to be surprised by this. Running is the ultimate metaphor for life. I think that's why I continue to do it.) And if I ever forget those lessons... Well, I have a big, tacky, pink Diva medal to remind me :)