In Your Face Truth

Lately it's always something over here inside my head. You need to clean the floors. Have you helped Noah write his short story for homework? Did you return the phone call to the soccer coach, and your boss, and your mom? When will you ever fold those piles of laundry in the living room and, dear God, when was the last time you wiped down the rubber seal on the inside of the washing machine?? How high should Liam's fever be before I call the doctor? Oh, and while you're at it, you need to fit in 5 miles. OK? These are the voices swirling around in my head. It is exhausting, yes? (Please tell me someone else has these voices...)

Anyway, I can almost always tell when I have become deeply immersed in my own head for too long. When I have spent countless hours focused inward, on myself and what I want, and far to few hours focused up on what God wants. When I start feeling this way, I will immediately pull out my trusty devotional and soak up a million gems of truth and feel better. (To be clear, I am aware that I do it backwards. I should read the words of scripture everyday, before I fall into a funk, and be so amazed by God's truth that I am too distracted to stay stuck inside my own thoughts. What can I say? I am a work in progress that's for sure. Maybe by the time I'm an old lady God will have gotten through to me!)

All of that to say, this morning I read my Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young, and I just shook my head and laughed.

You see that first paragraph? Yeah, it was like God was smacking me on the head with a two-by-four. "Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role." Are you kidding me? Isn't that what I spend half my life doing?! Judging myself for all  my shortcomings. Evaluating what I do wrong. How I am failing as a mom or a wife or a friend. Beating myself up because I can't do it perfectly. And then I open up the word of God (whose opinion is the ultimate authority, yes?) and he is all, Hey Kelly, stop going crazy judging yourself for not being perfect. I don't need you perfect. I sent my son for that. I don't sit in heaven and judge and criticize you, so why are you down there on earth doing it?

Kind of a radical truth, huh? The idea that God does NOT want us spending our lives being judgmental jerks to ourselves. I mean, if I could do that even half the time how much more enjoyable would my life be?! It is a truly freeing thing to know that He would rather we focus on how he loves us perfectly and how his grace has been poured into our lives instead. And - here's a crazy thought - what if I was able to stop judging myself? (And that's a big if) Would it become easier for me to stop judging others? If I could focus on the love and grace that God has given me, wouldn't it be easier for me to see the love and grace that God has given others? How much easier to love others when we can know for a fact that God loves them. I know it sounds kind of cliche and Oprah-esque, but could it be true? Love yourself well, so you can love others well. Or maybe it's like this - more God, less Oprah. Know that God loves you well, so that you can love everyone well.


Like I said, I am a work in progress. Truths are much easier read on paper than implemented in real life. But, that is where faith comes in. You (I) have to trust that God is working it out in your life, and that one day we will get where need to be.

And, until that day, this all I have to say. I reserve the right to still be judgemental when it comes to a select few things. Like watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I mean, how can you sit through an episode of that nonsense completely free of criticism and judgement? Yeah, that's what I thought ;)

PS... It got a little heavy - tomorrow I promise pretty pictures and talk of Friday fun :)