Five Minutes of My Life

I just thought that you might enjoy a little sample of my day-to-day life. Please follow along as I recount a five minute segment of my afternoon....

Liam cries. It is time to feed him, so I do. While feeding Liam, Noah comes up.

"Hey Momma, can I have a snack?"

"When I am done feeding your brother."

"Ok". Walks into the kitchen. "Hey Momma! Look at all these dishes on the counter. Can I look at them?"

Thanks for reminding me I haven't cleaned the dishes. And, why do you want permission to look at them?

"Sure, Noah, whatever."

Pause. Liam continues eating.

"Oh no, Momma! There are ants everywhere! On this counter, they are everywhere!" (Translation: he saw a few sugar ants.) "Don't worry, I will kill them".

I watch as Noah walks into the living room, retrieves a shoe, and heads back to the kitchen. (Meanwhile, attempt to burp Liam, who hates being burped, and get whacked in the face as he thrashes his head around in protest.)

Bam! Bam! (Noah killing ants)...Crash.

"Sorry Momma, I knocked over some cups." Pause...."Hey Momma, I can't reach all these ants."

"That's ok Noah, I will get them later."

Pause.

"Momma! There is a caterpillar in the kitchen."

Now I am up. "Where?! Show me, now!"

"Never mind its gone."

"What did it look like Noah?"

"It was black, no brown, no kinda black. It was the size of a snake."

Oh shit.

As he walks toward the bathroom, "No it was the size of my little finger. No, it was the size of Liam's little finger."

Finishing feeding Liam while I roll my eyes and decide that the caterpillar can just have a heyday in my kitchen.

"Hey Momma, I pooped!"

Get up, put Liam down, head to bathroom, and help Noah wipe himself.

As he is bent over, with me literally wiping his butt, "Hey Momma? Wouldn't it be funny if I farted right now?"

Aren't you jealous of my life?